Love... It's a funny thing. It can be the brightest, or the darkest experience you've ever had. Maybe even both. But we still search for it regardless of how painful the journey may be because we don't fear the pain, but we anticipate the endless happiness and joy that comes with it. But they always say, the higher you go the harder the fall. Sounds scary as fuck if you ask me... But we still search and long for that feeling we all once had at least one time in our lives. Being, in love. That's much different than being loved by your mother or best friend. Being in love, and having someone be in love with you is a bundled package of butterflies, surprises, giggles, cuddles, kisses on the forehead, safety, security, wholeheartedness, late night pillow talk, passionate sex you swear you've never had before with anyone else, crying out of happiness just because they exist, and the undeniable warmth that isn't on only your skin but within your soul, that you just can't find with your friends. It's not something you can find online. It's not something you can find at the store. But you can find it in your person. Your familiar. Your twin flame, soul mate. But, what if you don't have this "person"? This "soul mate"? What if, no matter what you do, where you look, where you don't look, how you go about it all, each person that walks into your life walks out just as fast? And for some reason at the end of each one, you tell yourself, "this is the last time I let something like this happen", as if it won't ever happen again full well knowing that it will. Or something along the lines of "I'm done with men/women. No more. Not until (insert perfect life scenario that won't happen for at least another 15 years)". For some reason, at the end of every persons time with you, it seems to still hurt as if you've known them for years, even though it's only been days, weeks, months. You never really had them to begin with, but losing them made you feel like your insides were tearing apart from you slow and painfully like a band aid on your freshly healing scab that dried to the bandage. But yet, when someone new comes around seeming as if they want to love you, treat you with dignity & respect, and sweep you off your feet, you don't lose faith. You don't lose hope. Ever. Until they give you a reason. Which seems to be the trend. You're then left alone. Again. To pick yourself up off the floor, and then you tell yourself, "I'm going to focus on me for a change. Give myself some time.". This isn't your style though. You can't help but fall quick for someone with a vibrant energy that walks into your life and changes the game yet again with their warm eyes, bright smile, promising career and sexy hair... Telling you everything you want to hear, from how gorgeous/handsome you are to how unique of a soul you are. And that they're "feelin your vibe". Telling you things that make you feel important. Making plans. Introducing you to their friends, possibly even their family. Taking you on dates & making memories. Taking initiative. Maybe even kid & marriage talk gets thrown around because you both feel that comfortable with each other to do so. This one seems different, but then one day, their tone just.... changes. The shift of energy makes you uncomfortable. You feel that unwelcome pang to your heart and nerves that is unfortunately very familiar. You feel as if you said something wrong, or maybe they're just having a bad day... You just know something is wrong. And you want to rewind back 24 hours to relive the natural high you were just on, but knowing you can't makes the feeling of emotional rock bottom seem that much more gritty, cold, and painful. You hesitate the impact. You're an over thinker. So it can't possibly just be a bad day. Oh no. It MUST be someone else. Or you've said something that went too far. Or they've gotten bored of you and this is them starting the beginning stages of disposal. The friendly text makes you cringe because you were expecting a loving one. If you're lucky to get one at all (ghosting seems to be the hottest new thing). And then, of course through text, the final conversation happens. This is where they tell you essentially that you weren't enough to heal them. That you weren't enough to fulfill them. That you weren't enough to keep their attention. And so on... And the only thing that echoes in your heart and soul, that you keep rereading over and over again like a visual broken record is that you weren't enough. And you can't help but wonder which text will be the last one you'll ever be sent by your emotionally distant lover. Which one will be the end of their chapter in your life? Because see, we've seen so many ends we know when to recognize them from a mile away. This one is close. What used to be a dose of dopamine and love adrenaline has now turned into hanging onto every word since you know it'll be their last, waiting anxiously for them to write back (if they do at all), and feeling sick to your stomach at the thought of the next hurtful words that might come from the little screen in front of you, hoping that they just apologize and recant their cold, selfish, inconsiderate decision of leaving you behind. The reality is that the issue is not you, my dear. The issue lies 100% within them. You have done nothing wrong, but everything right. Maybe your stars didn't align with theirs, maybe your astrological signs clash, or maybe that one thing you said reminded them of someone that once hurt them with great depth but they'll never tell you that because they don't want to make this ordeal worse than it already is. But just know, it's never you, until it is you. When you deliberately cause ache and pain. But this isn't who you are. And you know it. This will never be you. You're heart is too full and your conscience is too clean for you to ever want to hurt someone on purpose, especially someone who you care about. This is why it's so confusing to you as to why they're hurting you. Because they were supposed to care, right? So this is where the question always comes up... "If I'm not the problem, then why do I seem so hard to love?". This, is what we all must realize. What YOU must realize. For those of us who feel this undying heartache, this pain, who feel inadequate, who feel as though we aren't enough, for those of us who ask this question, you must know- it is that you are too easy to love. This is why there seems to be a revolving door to your heart. You're open, you're free, you're loving, you're bright, regardless of all the knives that have been driven into your heart, regardless of all the times you trusted what someone said but you were wrong, regardless of the endless heart ache and pain, you STILL shine brilliantly and have the resilience of God's greatest work. But those who are troubled are like moths to a porch light when it comes to your vivid soul. Though, when they feel your warmth, they clam up and resist because they know their frigid heart can't match the heat of your passions and desires. They will never level up to your frequencies, but when and if they ever do (rarely would this happen), you'll be long gone and heavily advanced passed their reach, leaving them in their own regretful dust because they will then understand how wrong they were for underestimating the love you could have given them. And they will forever fantasize about what the possibilities could have been if they let themselves be happy with you and where they'd be today. Just know, they have demons you wouldn't want to battle on your darkest days. They have pain you will never experience because YOU have the exceptional skill to let go and let God. Most don't live life this way my love. Most live life in fear. In darkness. Wishing the light would come to them but take shelter when they see it coming around the bend. And always remind yourself that it isn't YOUR fault that people can't handle your spirit. It isn't YOUR fault that the one you wanted wasn't meant to be. But just know, this is God's way of tell you to simply stop. Stop trying. Stop worrying. Stop looking. Stop hurting. Stop everything, but don't stop working, loving, shining, doing right, focusing or creating. Because it's those qualities right there and more that will bring the right person along when not only you're ready, but when that someone is on your level and prepared to cherish, love, protect, serve, secure, and enhance a spirit and heart as bright and as strong as yours is. When love just seems impossible, know it's already all around you, and very much planned for you. But it's what within you that truly matters. Love yourself, and someone special will follow suit. Pick yourself up once again, heal yourself once again, walk with poise and work your ass off, focus on making you a better version of you. Lead by example. And make it a good one.