All young women dream of becoming self dependent, strong, and able to hold their own, successful and be responsible adults. But the sad reality is there is a large percentage of women in the world that are extremely dependent on someone else to help them with money, children, food, emotional stability, happiness, security, and simply having someone to love. Iv recently just got out of a serious relationship that I was highly dependent on, and had no idea how much I was tied up and co-dependant on until I left and went cold turkey on any kind of close relationship or spousal-like contact.
Iv been in a serious relationship since I was 13. Literally. Iv had no time, no space, no thought at that matter of ever having an intimate and special relationship with myself until just recently. Im 22 now, and I'm the most alive, scared, boss, clueless, driven, free, and independent iv ever been in my entire life. Iv always thought of myself as a "grown woman" or an "independent woman". But you can't possibly think you are anything close to the subject if you can't even think of yourself being alone or without someone else to be happy. So I left what I was comfortable with behind, drove 2,743 miles across the country alone with no plan at all, $300 to my name and started from scratch with no job or place to go. All I knew was I wanted to be on my own and that was it. Pretty fuckin scary to do once you knew there was no going back. Damage was done. And you're on your own now.
But how did I go from living with my mother for 18 years, then living with an amazing man that I loved and had an incredible bond with for 4 years, leaving him for no reason that he ever gave me, to leaving to just be broke, alone, scared and clueless, to NOW- being strong, independent, bread winning, content, and totally badass? Well. Ill tell you.
One day, when I was staying at my best friends house on her couch about a week after I arrived (thank god, all in one piece), I was thinking to myself. "Now what? Where the hell do I go from here? How am I going to get an apartment? A job that pays well? How am I going to eat? Pay my bills? My car? When will this all take place and how fast can I do this? Have I made a mistake? Or will this be the best thing that ever happened to me?" None the less, my mind was FUCKING EVERYWHERE. I was a complete mess. I was humbled beyond belief. Thankful to just be alive after that 2 and a half day drive that I just survived with no sleep (thats a whole other story). But one thing that I learned that I wish I had applied sooner, are these two things.
- Keep things SIMPLE
- Go BACK to the BASICS
By keeping things SIMPLE, I mean this. Cut out all the irrelevant bullshit, stop thinking and worrying about things you cannot change or do anything about right now, and focus on prioritizing.
"Anyone who has ever failed, did not plan to succeed."
You MUST plan ahead and prioritize your day and week ahead to execute everything gracefully, or you're just going to be all over the place, and forgetful. Which leads to things being unfinished, delayed, and pushed back. And put into one simple word: failed. It doesn't have to be a 10 page business plan on legal paper, but it can definitely be a small day by day list written in pencil on a notepad until that 10 page business plan is in your to-do list. We all have to start somewhere.
Going back to the BASICS: Without the little things being in your way, like what you're having for dinner later, or that friend you owe $40 to, or that stain you have on your shirt, and so on- what are your BASIC needs that you need handled RIGHT NOW? And what are you going to do to execute them? Start there. Maybe, its just breathing right. Maybe, you just need to take a walk to clear your mind from the smaller things and to look at the bigger picture. But again, drop the extra and focus on the essentials.
A HUGE thing that I found to be the biggest obstacle for years for me, was worrying about other people more than yourself.
"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." - Raymond Hull
You cannot expect 100% success from someone who's only caring about 70% of himself. You can expect a 70% success rate from them. Again, back to prioritizing: learn to separate your schedule of work, errands, studying and your plans from your personal life of luxury, selfish needs, and caring about others and what they need to be happy. What about YOU being happy? Once you're happy, by all means make others happy. Even if its form 8am-3pm of you time, and after that its everyone else, thats fine! At least you got in some top priorities in your day. But if you want to gain success and independence, you CANNOT under any circumstances be steered away from your goal by other people and their emotions. Feelings don't pay the bills. Cut people off if you have to. But of course to make matters easier, let your people know. Make them understand where you're at and where you need them to be to make it a smooth transition. Be open and transparent and they will need to respect that. Obviously its easier said than done, so to make it easier you should be PUSHING and SHOVING to have a booked up and busy as HELL schedule. Keep yourself busy so that there is no temptation to sit and relax with someone for lunch, then eventually start dating them and now you're trapped in a situation that is now not giving you a paycheck, a headache eventually and a distraction always. Emotions and people don't make you independent. YOU and your ACTIONS do. And thats all you'll need. The mass majority of this adventure you will come to learn that you will need to learn the difference and discipline between what you want, and what you absolutely need. Being independant is a survival game if the fittest. And only the strong and smart survive. So stop carrying baggage (thing you want) and carry only the essentials (what you need).
And so I did just that. I cut people off, I kept those I hold dear to me close but not at the top of my list, I stopped shopping for clothes that I didn't need, stopped spending money frivolously, and most importantly, I learned to narrow down my priorities to a small and simple list that is doable, simple, and essential. And I focused solely on me and mine. Complete tunnel vision until I hit my goal, then on to the next. Then the next. Then the next. You'll know when its time to stop. If you think that time is now, you're always wrong. So keep going. NEVER STOP. Not saying you have to slave until you're dead. I mean, keep going even until your NEXT goal is retiring at 35, reading a book you wrote last year thats New York Times #1 Best Seller on a yacht you were gifted by Kanye West for saving his ass one year with the company that YOU built with your bare hands from the ground up. I mean thats a little unrealistic. But you get my point. Though its not impossible! So lets get into the juicy stuff.
MANIFESTing & LABOR
People think its crazy to "put ideas out to the universe so they can materialize them into actuality". But let me just tell you, its no joke. Its been less than 4 months since I left Miami, and Iv gotten a well paying career with the DOPEST people in the world, an apartment that is within a strict price range, sunny, and everything is brand new, spacious, has parking and is 10 minutes away from my job in Hollywood (if you live in LA, you know how difficult it is to live the way you want on a tight and cheap budget and close to work with a brand new interior that isn't from the 1940's. Theres usually a catch. So I'm winning right now.) Plus, iv also furnished my entire apartment with gorgeous and quality furniture, all on my own. BUT- with all the help of manifesting and working for my thoughts and dreams to become a reality. Putting the thought out there makes it easier to work for it. Because the universe brings you the tools you need to finish the job. Nothing ever comes your way that you cannot handle. The energy you put out there is what you will attract, so "manifest" wisely.
Obviously, this amazing tool will never work for the individual that thinks manifestation is the art of thinking of something and it magically pops out your fucking closet like, "Hey! Manifestation here. Universe sent me. Whats up?". Those people will be forever failures and this will never work for them unless something in their own mind changes. The art of manifestation is using your energy and frequency to make the universe and its plans work around you, revolve around everything you want, and when you want it. All while you are ALSO physically working for it. Of course, you can be laying in bed thinking of your bae and what he's up to right now and BAM. He texts you telling you what he's up to right now. But thats on such a minute scale and might also be a coinsidence. Im talking money, life, homes, business, love, relationships, travel, etc. You name it, you can make it happen all with a little of your energy ammo.
Not to mention, being a woman is very hard in a world dominated by men and masculine energies. So as a woman, we have a spiritual and emotional advantage a lot of men don't. That is our intuition and feminine side. So start listening to your gut more often and trust your subconscious to work wonders with you as you develop a physical world around it. Women are extremely powerful beings when alone and undiluted, Not "lonely". Alone. When you have people around you and in your life all the time, you water yourself down. Concentrate on yourself, and become a concentrated version of you. Be your own best friend and company every once in a while. Become dense. That density will take over every weak part in your life and completely turn it around.
"You are the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with the most."
Surround yourself with powerful, successful, wise and knowledgeable mentors. People that will inspire you to be like them, and then will also show you how to get there step by step because they believe in you. I also like to go by this little rule of thumb: Have a younger friend to keep your mind colorful and youthful, have an older friend to keep you grounded and peaceful, and have a gay friend to keep you balanced, fabulous and on fleek. (You don't have to have a gay friend. But I just love them.)
So in conclusion, becoming independent is really YOUR choice. Your adventure and ultimately will be done in your own way. But these are the strongest key points that I had to learn the hard way, and applied. And once applied, things changed RAPIDLY and for the better for me. Not everyone will experience this as fast as I did, but I wish I had someone tell me all of this in one post when I was going through it. So Im doing it for you now. Be positive, be powerful, be sexy, and share this with a woman or man in need of some encouraging advice to jump start their independence. Take control of your life, read books on subjects that matter and that will help you grow, and focus on you for once. These steps can be applied to anything, small or large in your life and it will have the same result if done correctly. Successful.
Please reply to me with some feedback and share what works for you best for you in your life to becoming independent, strong and successful.