Handstands. They have become the ultimate mediation for me. The ultimate discipline. I remember when I first started, oh my. My poor closet door. I'm still apologetic to the downstairs neighbors as well. But slowly, and most definitely surely, I got quieter and more controlled every time I practiced. I'm used to practicing handstands for at least 1-2 hours at a time like it's normal lol. But I love my practice and what iv grown to be. When I first started training and was taught to do Sun Salutations, during the very first 5 that I did I secretly cried beneath the sweat and it only showed when I did my forward folds since you couldn't see my face and sadness. I was so out of shape, a Chaturanga to me was so defeating, and completely impossible at the time that I sat there out of breath and nauseous, "What am I trying to prove? Why am I even trying to work out? This isn't me anymore. Look at me.... I cant even do YOGA of all things."
And then it clicked. It all just rushed over me in the matter of 24 hours and after lots of research on what Yoga really was. That thought exactly, is why I needed, Yoga. Why I needed something to help me focus. A hobby. A belief. After everything I have been through in my life, the pain, the disruption, the abandonment, the anger, the negativity, through all of that and more iv always been positive but iv never had anything to believe in. How could I if there was so much fear and anguish through my life? Where was this "Being" I was supposed to feel? See? Believe in? This so called "God"? For me, it was just simply not there. But that was me always looking for something out there. The day I did my first Sun Salutation, and had that thought and those questions, it dawned upon me that I was looking in all the wrong places. I never looked, inward.
I was all I needed to believe in. I was the Being that was going to save me, from Me. I was the higher power and consciousness that needed to be acknowledged and put to use. Iv been so physical and not in touch for so long, it took me 21 years to realize that "cell phone I was looking for was in my hand the whole time". Thats how stupid I felt. I was right here, and unconsciously waiting to be brought out and be made powerful. In control of MY life. And I was completely oblivious of the potential power my spirit, mind and body truly has.
Well, here I Am.
My practice has pushed and taken me to limits I never knew possible. At the beginning of this post I mentioned handstands. From the age of 8 years old I used to cartwheel, do backbends, handsprings, all of that, but could never get down a classic handstand. Never really tried. I was always moving, injuring myself and not knowing it, completely unaware of my body. And now, I'm older, completely aware of my body and thoughts, and on top of that I have an entirely new practice and achievement to look forward to than that of when I was 12 and wanting to be an uncontrollable monkey shit head not giving 2 fucks about anything other than the movie Bring It On.
Being upside down has taught me to look in other point of views. To have discipline. Patience. And extreme focus. To change perspective. We look upright our whole lives, and because people are so scared to fall on their face, they completely ignore that there are other people who spend their lives and professions on their hands AND their feet, upside down in a handstand most of their days with different views of the world, yet the people who are upright deny any other point of view other than their own exists because they limit themselves to any other possibilities. All due to fear. Well, that is the MAJOR one that iv been taught to overcome. Fear.
I can spend 2 hours doing a practice for handstands, and be in complete bliss, happiness and silence the entire time with no worries of anything. And I cant be more excited to continue this journey of handstands, arm balances, asana and the other 7/8th's of Yoga.
Point of this post is to be brave, be bold, find your calling, look within, and always know that theres more to life than what you currently see. And of course, DO HANDSTANDS! :D
Don't be afraid of what you don't know. Because you don't know it, that should be all the more reason to find out. Push passed your fears, and grab life by the horns. You'll never see your last days coming, so make every day a day to remember and to be proud of. Try something new, and be Apart of Your Journey. xo